Monday, October 29, 2012

Guys Who Slip Through The Cracks

This blog is intended for guys who slip through the cracks. Guys who, for one reason or another, never had much in the way of girlfriends. One of the main causes for this, I think, is that these guys missed out on those opportunities that present themselves early on in the first few weeks of college, or university, to make that network of friends that lead to a girlfriend. Or maybe it's just bad luck where their circumstances just never led to a girlfriend. But regardless, it's hardly an unusual occurrence, and happens quite a lot. Society is full of people who have slipped through the cracks in the legal system, justice system, or whatever system. This blog is for men who have slipped through the dating system. Cracks such as these generally point to flaws in the system, rather than to problems with the individual, which is often the knee-jerk rhetoric used to dismiss complaints of problems.

The dating dilemma many guys face is not something that is acknowledged in any mainstream channel, certainly not like bullying or anything like that. It's a problem facing many males, males who, for lack of another phrase, slip through the cracks, and find themselves in a weird kind of vacuum where they are surrounded by females and yet cannot connect with any of them. Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink, as the saying goes. It's like all the easy paths to getting a girlfriend, or even just getting sex, are shut down, and you are left with the most tortuous and stressful options, which involve massive cold approaching, online dating, indirect bullshit, and all the humiliation that goes with all of that.

The cracks are big and seem to be getting bigger. I personally have fallen through and I know how hard it is to crawl out in any appreciable fashion. You have to be very resilient, creative, and adaptable, because when you are a single guy trying to get a date out in public, you are up against a lot of obstacles. Females, in this environment, are extremely reluctant to engage any guy who does not automatically appear through the accepted channels (school, work, or friends) and will make it almost impossible for romantic connections to happen any other way.

You can luck out of course, but if you want guaranteed results you either have to be an approach machine and rely on the statistical odds in your favor (hovering at 1% or less), or hire a prostitute which, in terms of cost-benefit, is actually the best option, assuming you can do so safely.

Men who slip through the cracks need a voice, and this blog is one place where those voices can be heard. If society has a problem then it's the extreme cases which will bring attention to it. Yes, extremes always exist, but when you have whole communities of guys posting online about how to get with women using the most ridiculous of techniques (e.g. PUA techniques), or just ranting in general, it's not something that can be ignored. There are just too many extreme cases which show that this is more than an individual problem. I've met quite a few guys who have complained about tough to meet women, and I didn't have to look for these guys. I just ran into them. This tells me that there are many more men with this problem than just those who post online about it, which is already a heck of a lot of men.

Some will try to dismiss men's complaints by pointing to the more radical points of view in the men's movement; points of view which suggest that women should be kept in the kitchen, subservient to men, etc. There is a bit of that for sure, but on the whole it's mostly just guys fed up with the pretentious and entitled way many women act, and the society that permits this. These are guys who want more balance, pure and simple. So you cannot dismiss a movement just because it contains a few radical points of view. All movements are like that. You have to look at the main messages.

Yes, there are many benefits to living in a modern industrialized society like this one, and we should appreciate those advantages and make the most of them, but we also have to speak up when there are problems. That's how we've gotten this far, and this is how we will get further. What I talk about here is just one of society's problems.


Anonymous said...

Once again very well written. After reading this blog and also another brilliant website:

I am actually giving up on western society for various reasons, one of the the absolute garbage women ad dating scene for men. I'm selling my stuff and moving to the Philipines. I've made my money and now the only thing that really interests me is as many hot, sexy, horny asian girls as possilbe that chase me, warm weather year round and cheap prices and of course speaking english. I wish I had known about foreign women 20 years ago. Now I am 40 I regret the last 20 years of my lonely life. I have actually had success here in Vancouver over the last 5 years, all with Asian ESL students!

Anonymous said...

I believe there is a problem when men approach women and they are called creeps and weirdos for doing so.

Anonymous said...

I will spend most of my time in Colombia from now on. I believe it's all about where you are.

But Warren Farrell once wrote that it was never fashionable for a man to complain. And this is the reason men are usually silent.

pinetree said...

Toronto is different though. The women are really disasociated from any form of masculinity. In fact they have become masculine themselves.

Anonymous said...


"From the male perspective, when commitment is associated with diamonds and mortgages, promises of love can feel like promises of payment."

"Alan Alda is loved not because he's sensitive, but because he's successful and sensitive."
P. 134

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Anonymous said...

This is a frank and open discussion in line with the title of this blog post. Well worth a listen.