Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Common Obstacles To Meeting Women In Public

These are the common obstacles you have to go through in order to meet a quality woman in a public place. They occur in the following order:

1. She ignores you when you try to start a conversation with her.

2. She doesn't ignore you but avoids eye contact and keeps responses short.

3. She gives good responses and is looking at you when talking to you, but only with polite conversation (not genuine interest).

4. She seems genuinely interested, but when you ask for her number she says she has a boyfriend.

5. She seems genuinely interested and gives you her number when you ask, but when you call her she doesn't answer, or she does but is too busy to get together.

6. She seems genuinely interested and gives you her number when you ask. You call her and set up a get together, but then you find out she is reserved, has issues with intimacy, or is uptight and wants to "wait". Another possibility is that you two get together, hit it off but then she flakes on you for a future get together (just as things are about to heat up). She flakes because she feels that she could still do better than you, irrespective of the fact that she had a good time with you on the date.

7. You get together and have sex but she sees it as a bargaining chip, which means you have to take her to dinner or something similar. Or she just feels guilty for having sex and is acting out some form of buyer's remorse.

8. You have sex, and get along great, but then you never hear from her again.

9. You have sex and genuinely enjoy each others company, and continue seeing each other without any games. This is the ideal situation.

To meet a quality woman from cold approaching, you have to get past eight obstacles (numbers 1 to 8) before getting to number 9. But if you meet her through friends then you start at number 3. But you still have to get past six obstacles (numbers 3 to 8) before getting to number 9. So most potential problems still remain even if you meet a woman through socially accepted channels.

When guys complain about how hard it is to meet women in public the response of women is usually something along the lines of, they don't owe the guy anything, you're just a stranger, she's too busy, she can't be bothered, she is not attracted, she doesn't like to be hit on, etc. But if you pay close attention you see that women generally view men approaching them as an annoyance like a stranger pestering them for change, so no matter what you say it's the wrong thing. The bottom line is that women do not want to meet men in public for romantic connections. This is 100% social conditioning, since there's nothing inherently wrong with it. So it's not that you're necessarily doing something wrong in the delivery, it's that women have preemptively made up their minds that they don't want to meet you. So the reasons women often give for not wanting to meet men in public are just excuses to cover up that they really don't want to meet you in the first place, and nothing you say or do can change that. To understand this better imagine a beggar complaining that people usually snub him when he asks for change, and in response people say that there's something wrong with his approach, or they're too busy, or he's too scruffy or whatever. And if he just changed his appearance and approach he would get much better responses. But that would be ridiculous since the real reason people are snubbing him is because he IS asking them for change. Would a shaven clean cut guy asking you for change make you want to give change more? And what if he had a cute back story before he asks you for change? Would that change your mind?

Another excuse women use is that they get approached all the time and that is why they have a right to act bitchy. But they don't get approached all the time. However, because of their bias, this is just another stock excuse they pull out of the excuse jar as to why they act so standoffish. It's easy to see that this is an excuse, and not to mention a lie. Go to any public place and watch how many times attractive girls get approached. Outside of a bar environment I've seen it maybe a dozen times max in my life. Most guys don't approach women because they instinctively feel they will be rejected. And they're right.

*** Just to address one of the stock criticisms often aimed at guys who complain about tough to get females, I don't imply that women should jump into bed with you right away. There are obviously steps involved, like getting the number, calling, getting together, kissing, and so forth. But these steps should be EASY to go through, transitioning effortlessly from one to the next, like climbing a flight of stairs, pretty easy to do for most.


Anonymous said...

You are right. Particularly in London UK women are looked at but never approached. I don't think anyone in this part of the world actually has sex.

djeanp7898 said...

Fuck the obstacles. Just put your bid in. Guys have to be bold with their game. A defeatist attitude will guarantee you a pussy-less existence. This is like a football player saying that the opposing team's defense is too tough therefore we won't even try to move the football down the field, because we're going to get shut down anyway. Fuck that, man!

"Particularly in London UK women are looked at but never approached. I don't think anyone in this part of the world actually has sex."

Because guys are too chicken shit! As far as people over there in the UK not having sex - bullshit! Those women are fucking SOMEBODY.

Most guys don't approach women because they are AFRAID or they have weak game - period.

What do you guys expect? You expect just to walk up to a bitch and then moments later you're titty fucking her in the bathroom? It doesn't work like that, guys!

John said...

This is all I have to say in response:


richpeasant said...

>>Just put your bid in. Guys have to be bold with their game<<

OK you are right. I'm a defeatist, I need to up my game, it is all my fault. Even if I'm well presented, look ok etc etc. Actually I find women in countries outside of northern Europe and North America far easier to approach. I go to Colombia/Panama and women there actually seem to like my company. I don't need any psychobabble or PUA techniques there, neither do any other men apparently. Oh well maybe everything you say in your reply is right. In any case, I'll stick to what works for me. After reaching my 40s without ever having a girlfriend, I'm enjoying life and women for the first time.

John said...

The defeatist argument is often used as a shield against deeper and more truthful examinations.

Now if this was just a case of you winning some and losing some then writing a post like this would not be necessary. But when things are skewed so far into the losing category then speaking in terms of "obstacles" is appropriate.

It's also a double standard to accuse men of being negative or defeatist when they complain about unapproachable hard to meet women. What about all the women who walk around with cold bitchy looks on their faces. Aren't they being negative and self-defeating too? How can you expect to meet someone when you carry around a fuck-off vibe? But when men refuse to approach these women because of their bad vibe they are the ones who are accused of being defeatist or lacking boldness.

Anonymous said...

Given the choice between being labeled a creep, pervert and weirdo or saying nothing - I'll take saying nothing anytime. The real answer is to realise big cities like London and New York are are waste of time, and to look at the smaller towns. Outside of North America and North Europe is even better.

Anonymous said...

According to a Yahoo article for women, being unnaproachable happens for a number of reasons...

If you surround yourself with a gaggle of girlfriends whenever you’re out, the man of your dreams is unlikely to fight his way through the crowd to ask you out.

If you’re out on the pull, it’s better to go out in a smaller group of one or two friends so it’s easier for you to get noticed and approached.

Similarly if you walk around with your headphones on, or always have your nose in a book, you’re unwittingly switching off potential avenues for being approached and asked out. Leave your iPod at home for a change, step out of your personal bubble and engage with the world around you.

Make yourself more approachable by smiling at strangers, making eye-contact, and maybe even striking up a conversation.

John said...

I just wanted to add this.

From my own experience a woman who doesn't open up quickly is a lost cause. Yes it's possible to get some kind of positive response from her using wit and funny banter (such as by using PUA material), but unless she decides from the get-go that she wants to know you better you are wasting your time and you will get no where with her.

Another point to make is that it is 10x easier for someone to make themselves approachable than it is for you to approach someone who is unapproachable. As a result, the burden should be on women to make themselves approachable rather than men having to overcome their resistance to being approached. So it makes no sense to approach a woman who avoids eye contact and has a fuck-off vibe.

Anonymous said...

yeah positive attitude and game is important for a guy, but man, really, tired of dating being all focused on the man doing stuff. In the current day and age, its still up to the man to make moves - the least women could do would be approachable and a bit more proactive. Rather than being unapproachable and complaining about the lack of/quality of guys in their lives...

Anonymous said...

the OP is right. anyone who disagrees is either trolling or doesnt live in toronto. period.

Anonymous said...

Toronto isn't that bad...

I've approached a few women without issue many times randomly... of course all of these women were either East or South Asian, and I'm a brown male.

I think this might be a uppity 'white' female issue, or maybe you guys are way older (I'm in my early 20s).

John said...

^^^ Yes, this is largely a white woman problem. For example, in hospitals you get more non-white nurses taking the more compassionate roles in the cases where patients require it. White nurses (in particular the younger ones) tend to be more snobbish and not as friendly as their non-white coworkers. In short, they lack warmth.

Bigfoot said...

Just do it.

Toronto men need to simply sack up and approach.
But I don't want them to. Because it increases the competition for me. Any guy who gets good does hundreds of approaches which inflates hundreds of women's egos. Thats not a good situation for me which is why I like the fact that most other guys in the city are scared as hell to approach a girl especially during the daytime.

phil atio said...

Of course non white women are easier to get with than white women, just go down town and see every white man with a yellow women. If you are brown or black then you are guaranteed to score because the number of brown/black females outnumber the number of brown/black males.

You are right, these women are not really open to men, and even if brad pitt approached them the fact they have in their head phones and cell phones and their bitch shield, they would reject him before even looking who they were rejecting.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with the entire thread.

Women get hit on a lot, it becomes tiring and a pain in the ass.

It's not your fault you are the 300th guy who is trying it on, from your viewpoint, but from her viewpoint you are just the 300th pain in the ass.

You may not have intended it, but your writing implies that you want to talk to a girl so you can have sex with her. It's the entire mindset that is wrong.

She may be interested if you approach her because you want to get to know her, as a person, but having sex as the key thing on your agenda makes the whole scenario wrong from the outset, from her viewpoint.

This is tough. But true.

Stick to sluts until you want something better.

John said...

I have put a great deal of effort into explaining and justifying my points of view. If you want to read those explanations check out the MUST READ posts in the top right of the page.

Anonymous said...

Save the PUA bullshit for those $1000 seminars *laughing*

It simply doesn't work. A girl either finds you physically attractive or not. No "game" is going to make your face more symmetrical or make you taller, or make you more muscular.

The reality is that I find most women is Toronto totally unapproachable. They PURPOSELY avoid eye contact in general. Don't believe me? Go walk downtown Toronto streets and look at women as you pass them on the street.

Any reasonably attractive girl invariable already has a boyfriend and has no interest in even conversation let alone getting to know you. She wants to keep texting her high school friends.

Anonymous said...

I put this theory to the test. I approached a business white woman at Jack Aster's yesterday night. I did get the look away at first but I made sure not to come off entitled nor arrogant. She quickly opened up to me until I told her I was here on vacation. Then she ran off with a quick excuse.