Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Clique Culture

The clique culture works like this. You form a close-knit group of friends as soon as possible and then everyone else can pretty much fuck off.

Cliques are typically formed early on in school and the workplace, but especially in school since the formation period usually occurs when there are a lot of new people and they don't know each other. So they immediately go into clique forming mode. Note that this is different from friend finding mode where you are open to meeting new people. Clique forming mode is a primitive yet uninspired survival mindset where you are determined to form a close-knit group of "cool" friends to make it through the rest of your time. It's a tribal forming period, a chance to develop the unmovable calcified network which is very resistant to new people entering.

The unspoken (and sometimes spoken) rule of this calcified network is that all relationships, both personal and romantic, must develop from within it. Anyone who breaks this rule will be subject to harsh criticism, especially women should they (for example) decide to meet a man who is a "stranger", which is basically anyone who does not have some tie to the clique. At minimum this man must know at least one other person within the clique network for him to be considered "safe".

The most common clique formation period is the first few weeks of school, either elementary school, high school, or post-secondary. And if you don't form your clique early on you are largely screwed, and you will experience a large degree of relationship starvation. There will of course be some opportunity for building close friends and having hook ups, but for the most part you will be relegated to having lots of acquaintances instead.

It is very common for people, decades after graduation, to only have friends whom they met in school many years before. In all that time no one new entered the picture, unless of course that person already knew someone from inside the calcified network, and that was their way in.

Some calcified networks are almost impossible to penetrate, even in the most "acceptable" social environments. For example, you could be at a house party and even though you know the host, the cliques present at the party will snub you even though you know the host. And the reason certain cliques will snub you even in this instance is because they carry an additional level of calcification in their clique structure: The time limit. These particular cliques form with the rule (spoken or unspoken) that no one else is allowed in after a certain time limit. This time limit can either be actual time (like days, or weeks) or the time at which a certain critical number of members is reached. After that, everyone else can keep the fuck out.

But one interesting thing about cliques is that they tend to get smaller and smaller over time. In other words, they naturally decay and grow weak over time. The reasons are usually that people within the clique just naturally drift apart, or they move away geographically, or they get married and as a result no longer have the time. But like real troopers clique members hold on to the belief that all new connections must happen from within the clique network. It does not matter that they may end up going without dates or sex for very long periods of time. The idea that they can meet someone new from outside the network just positively scares them, as it's a major social taboo in their minds, so they won't do it. Vibrators it seems, are a much better alternative.

If you want to know where disgruntled clique members often end up just look at the internet personals. The internet personals is full of formerly cliquish people who have finally thrown in the towel and are now open to meeting someone new because their cliques have finally dried up. Of course this will only happen if the person is not overly picky. Highly picky disgruntled clique members will never meet anyone on the personals because they can never seem to find anyone good enough for them anyway. This is especially true for women who may have plenty of choices from within the calcified network, but due to their inflated egos and sense of entitlement they never jump on any of those opportunities. So meeting these women online is more than just a clique away. It's damn near impossible and a waste of fucking time.

In summary, the clique culture is a loser culture. It promotes snobbish attitudes and exclusivity, and it kills spontaneity. It creates a phony sense of belonging and security while turning you into a head-in-the-sand nitwit who turns down outside opportunities based on twisted tribal logic. It is anti-freedom and pro-conformance. It turns you into a drone who believes that good things only happen within the clique, and in a way this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy since such a drone will only put their best foot forward while inside the clique's web, while shutting down all opportunities outside the clique.


Anonymous said...

"In summary, the clique culture is a loser culture."

I always felt disgusted when watching "Friends" or "How I met your mother" in the way they treated ANYBODY who wasn't part of their clique. The producers of Seinfeild actively satirized this and showed how ridiculous it is and finally had the whole "clique" end up in jail at the last show of the series.

I hate cliques with a passion and have noticed alot of women only "sex in the city" cliques in toronto. It doesnt matter that Im a decent looking single man with a good job who doesnt treat women like shit they wouldn't give me the time of day. I discovered your blog the other day and I must say it saved my sanity. Im currently reading all your previous blogs. You are beacon of light in a dark dingy stupid cold little city called Toronto.

thank you!

John said...

Thanks for the compliment!

If you want to get some more insight into the female clique culture and other twisted female behaviour there's a book called "The Twisted Sisterhood" by Kelly Valen. It's a good read.

Anonymous said...

Good insight. Well-written. Funny. True.

Anonymous said...

Your blog is the best one I've found so far. Keep up your good work.

Phil Atio said...

You know, I always thought that when I couldn't get into these retarded cliques during my university in toronto which was a small program that those other people were just rude/mean or hated me because I wasn't chinese/korean/russian. But now i realize they are just typical toronto loser clique forming dip f---s. Thank you John, I've been reading your blog all day, and it is spot on.

I may might write a piece I'd like you to put up if i wasn;t so busy.

And for anyone reading this not from toronto, it might sound ridiculous but toronto women really do think all stranger men are rapist. IME, even women from the US are far more approachable than toronto women.

John said...

^^^ University of Toronto is probably headquarters central in the city for anti-male female indoctrination.

If you ever get around to writing a piece I'll put it up for you. It sounds like you'd have some great insight after your enrollment at the local university.

Anonymous said...

Cliques suck. I attend lots of events by myself and when I strike up a conversation with a guy in, say, a line-up, it is so depressing when his friends show up to drag him away.

The opposite happens to me in Montreal. When people see that I am alone, they go out of their way to be nice to me. "Hey you, come here and sit with us" is common. Their culture is about "the more, the merrier" rather than, "oh no, you won't fit in with us."

Anonymous said...

That's probably why Tinder works "well" in Toronto/NYC...because there's this psychological thinking that those in your swipe zone are part of your "network"/clique since it's related to your Facebook friend circle. L-A-M-E.