Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Main Reason Why Meeting Women Online Can Be So Difficult

In the world of online personals, women are usually swamped with responses by men. And the more responses a woman gets the less likely she is to meet someone out of those responses.

But this doesn't make sense. Shouldn't a higher number of responses increase the odds that a woman will meet someone?


Women are notorious for getting tons of messages from men but NEVER meeting any of them.

What the heck is going on?

Could it be that of ALL the men that responded NONE of them measured up? Is that even statistically possible?

In fact, it is not possible at all.

If you think about it, the limiting factor in all this is the women. Think of it as an assembly line. Things are marching along, but at one point in the process things always halt, and go no further. At first you might think that certain things upstream of the "failure point" are problematic (and indeed, sometimes they are). But as time goes on and the numbers continue to pile up, you begin to see that no matter what goes on upstream; things always seem to fail at the same point. In this case the failure point is the woman. She is the one that is consistently bringing the system to a grinding halt. She is the one with the problem. Not that there aren't bad responses, there are, but you would think that a few would turn out good once in a while. But as it turns out, not even those make it through the so-called "screening".

The failure points of online dating are for the most part the women's fault, because they sure as heck aren't lacking for options. And it certainly can't be the men's fault (not as a whole anyway) because they are simply "feeders" into the system. It is this way because men voluntarily choose to be the pursuers en masse. But due to flaws in the system under load, this approach is almost always doomed to failure.

So why do women fuck this part up so badly?

The main reason is lack of management skill. Women tend not to look at situations as objectively as men. They will usually let emotions and prejudice get in the way when pushed (challenged) a bit.

So for example, if a woman like this works in an HR office and there's a pile of resumes on her desk, she would probably look through the first few and if there's anything "off" about them she'll assume the remainder are the same. But to be "fair" she'll probably scan through those as well, but with the prejudice and therefore pre-established conclusion that they won't make the "cut" either. This is the power of woman's intuition (not).

And then she would tell her boss that none of the candidates are "qualified".

So realize, that when you are one of many guys sending a woman a message online, you will likely be pre-judged and consequently dismissed no matter what you say. And women will do this for various reasons; such as, out of frustration (having to read them all), anger (having a bad day), someone wrote a bad message (so you're just like him), or she is skeptical about meeting anyone online (so you are out before the first hello).

For this reason, it is almost always better to not initiate contact with a woman on the internet personals, especially if she gets a lot of responses (and the critical "threshold" has been passed). If you do there is a high chance you will be categorized and dismissed simply because you are occupying her inbox along with tons of other men, and therefore subject to those prejudices and harsh filters which have nothing to do with reality.

Women in these situations cannot hope to find the diamond in the dirt, because even if they do they'll assume it's not a diamond anyway.

Men on the other hand, have a much higher chance of objectively navigating through women's responses to find the one that clicks. So if the situation were reversed and men were getting tons of messages from women, things would be a lot more fair for all those involved.

So let women message you instead, especially the attractive ones who normally get tons of responses. It is strongly encouraged; especially now that you know what you are up against if you decide to be "one of many".


Dennis said...

I've since given up on online personals, and I had my own reasons for doing so. Men just totally outnumber women on these sites (I've read ratios of 3:1). I've tried David M's "Insider Internet Dating" and while his methods do work, they just don't work enough for me and it's just too much work sending all those emails.

Women can't see my confidence level in my photos or in my profile description. They can't see the way I carry myself. We both know that these are things that women look for in man beyond his looks. This puts me at a disadvantage because of these basic biological differences (whereas all a woman needs to be is hot and she'll get many responses). Just being a hot guy won't get you many respones from women online. Hell, I don't think even a millionaire can assume easy pussy these days.

Vittorio said...

I've had a fair degree of success with the online personals over the years. If I had to narrow down the sources of success it would basically be from 1) women who initiated, 2) women with whom I initiated, but who perhaps didn't have a picture up so they got a lot less responses, or for other reasons they just didn't get many responses

So basically, most of my success came from *not* being one of many guys sending messages to any particular woman.