Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Reader Submission: Thoroughly confused by women in this town

Reading the recent posts by the guy from Germany has prompted this. Like many men in Toronto, I have been thoroughly confused by women in this town. I was a bit of an outsider most of my life, having grown up in an alcoholic household. I spent a lot of time in therapy to get over this impediment. Lack of success with women has always been a huge focus of my life. Like many, I jumped into PUA fast and hard. I am lucky that as a cheapskate I didn't spend any money on it, just downloaded it all for free: Mystery, David D, Major Mark, RSD, David Wygant, Zan, etc, etc. Now years later after learning and trying lots of this stuff, my success with women is the same. I can get a new woman to sleep with 3-4 times per year.

For years now I have been making eye contact with women in public and they never maintain eye contact for more than a second. I am an average looking person, but thought that perhaps I was really unattractive. I now don't think this at all. Women in toronto are pretty much asexual. On dates, they sit there and wait for you to magically stir up emotions in them, like they have no influence in this whatsoever.

Like Germany, I have approached women in public often, gotten lots of numbers, and it almost always goes nowhere. At the moment there are at least 4 women I am keeping on life support with occasional texts or calls, but they are doing fucking nothing to show any interest in me. So why the hell would I continue to contact them? A few reasons and none of them are good: 1)  I think to be a "cool guy" I have to have many women on the go. This is basically using women to bolster my self esteem - a losing proposition for sure. 2) I really want to get laid, and will put up with their complete lack of interest to get my penis wet and warm- fail #2.

The PUA industry begins with 2 lies:

1)learning to pick up women will be the best thing in your life. Most guys attracted to PUA have had challenges, so think that once this is "handled" (a David D phrase that is used ad nauseum) your life will be whole or some such nonsense. I learned a bunch of that crap, do not much better with women, yet my life is pretty good.

2) If you do what they say, you will get lots of women interested in you. Learning PUA has done little for me in regards to women. I went to a speed dating thing recently, and was being high energy and super social, yet I got no matches. I was doing what the dating coaches say, yet it got no results. I can meet women in public and get their numbers with ease, but they rarely call back.

As Germany says, rather than running around with a hard-on and shoving it into women's faces, it's better to look for ones that give off some sort of spark. I still feel the urge to chat up every good looking woman near me, but now assess whether she may actually give a shit.

There are lots of things to do with life. I am going to do other things and stop giving a shit about women here, as it's a complete waste of time and energy and it makes me feel crappy to get such bad results. The system is broken. Fuck the system. I'm done with it.

I have travelled to 45 countries and there is no mythical land. The guys on this blog who think moving elsewhere is the answer need to do their homework. I speak fluent Spanish and can go anywhere in Latin America and fit in like a local, and it's still hard to get laid. If you are good looking you can get laid anywhere. If you aren't it's pretty much the same anywhere. 25 years ago you could go to Japan or Cuba and get laid just for being white. Those days are long over. People go everywhere now, so you are not such a hot commodity.

What I am left with is that I still feel like women aren't interested in me much. If I feel this way, perhaps the women pick up on this. It's a vicious cycle. The obvious answer is to change this idea in my mind, but if you think this is easy you understand nothing of the human mind. I have studied this for 20 years. It's fucking hard to change how the mind is set up in childhood.

Being angry and bitter about women has not worked for me. I'm going to try working harder at letting this go, than I did at learning to pick up women.

Wish me luck.

TeeZee

15 comments:

Dennis said...

I understand what you're going through and I feel your pain, however saying that you're going to let this go is just not believable. It is extremely difficult to let desiring women go because intimacy is something that we all want and need. Sometimes when guys say they can't get laid wherever they go, I have to actually see these guys in person before I make a final determination on why they can't get any pussy.

Anonymous said...

Yep, always look for girls who are interested/have a spark and ignore ALL girls who show resistance. persistence with women is overrated.

Are you serious about no countries being better? I've been in the USA all my life but I had hopes that women in other places would be at least a little more receptive? Is this not true? What about Mexico?






Anonymous said...

I'd say the women in this city do worse than nothing – they actively behave as if they hate men.

Anonymous said...

In Toronto, women have successfully implanted hypergamy. We live in a hypergamous society. Hence women pick and chose what they want. Until that changes things will not change here.

Anonymous said...

>>I can get a new woman to sleep with 3-4 times per year<<

In my opinion, that's more than most people now get in 5-10 years. It's all smoke and mirrors. And women are asexual, particularly in London UK.

Going abroad outside of Northern Europe and USA does make a difference, in spite of what you might say. I agree times have changed, even in Colombia where I go. But I never stay in capitol cities, so it's not too bad. In any case, it's a much better vibe.

I am 50 and started discovering this in my teens and woke up completely in my mid-30s. I'm not too bothered about sex nowdays but money and status are and always have been the magnets for women. I just didn't realise this early on.

Anonymous said...

>>If you are good looking you can get laid anywhere. If you aren't it's pretty much the same anywhere<<

Good looking women want more than good looking men. So you still have to give evidence of money/status or social proof somehow. Looks help, but they are only IN ADDITION. Being a foreigner in another place outside of northern europe or northern america automatically helps. Although women have loosened up sexually, they have tightened up on who they are with.

Anonymous said...

Great post. I'm very similar myself and don't buy into the whole PUA thing anymore although it did offer some insights into the psyche of women that I didn't know before. I don't think getting a number from a pretty girl is an accomplishment at all. I've had pretty (and sober) girls offer their number to me but when I call or text - no response. My theory is they use that as a self-esteem boost (yes, pretty girls can have low self-esteem!). I think it's pointless to go after it for the sake of it and you should really only pursue someone who gives you that spark and show interest in you. We all know that feeling after you sleep with a girl who is attractive but has nothing going for her personality-wise!

Toronto is a tough market though. I've spent a lot of time in different cities in Canada (a bit in the US) and Toronto and Vancouver are the toughest. Hypergamy is there but it's also evolution. Women don't need men as much as they used to so they've become choosy. They can make their own money, have their own place to raise their cats, and use a vibrator so their motivation can't be the same as decades past.

I say keep at it but don't make it a goal or link picking up women to your own happiness. I think you have the right attitude though.

cheers,

Anonymous said...

moving away from Toronto is a very respectable option, you can't fight against the psychology of a mass of men-hating money-loving status-seeking whores

Anonymous said...

getting laid 3-4 times a year in Toronto is more than good!! It is actually very unlikely number even for the good looking guy. It is just that tough in this city. I get maybe 3-4 dates a year nevermind getting laid lol that's a another mission (impossible). And I look decent, young and have a good job. I treat these girls with respect and dignity but apparently that's the wrong approach.

All these girls have ADD. They are on facebook, twitter and dating websites getting compliments from hundreds. They simply cannot focus on you. When a girls doesn't reply to you its because she has 10 guys on rotation and you are probably #10 on her list.

Truth is girls nowadays have OPTIONS that they didn't have 10 years, they also control A LOT of the well paying jobs and even can boss around in the workplace (think about your HR department...all girls) and they are getting management positions more frequently. They look at you as a walking dildo that's all, they really don't care about your inner self. Toronto city that promotes independence, feminism and money above everything else. Those girls don't even respect their own dad or family...it's simply part of the culture here.

I have traveled abroad, I think you might have gone to the wrong places. The issue men here have goes deeper than just getting laid. We simply cannot connect with girls on any basic emotional level. Like it has been said before, there are no love stories here. While it still might be hard to get laid in other countries (really depends on the setting) girls there are noticeably more open and actually intrigued to chat with you and actually know you. When was the last time you have had an actual conversation with a girl from toronto beyond the cold nd polite hi how are you opening?

There is a movement against a healthy family and men here in toronto. They think it is the way forward but its poison for society. Your best bet is foreign girls in this city, and after 6-12 months they are bound to become "torontonized" so beware

Anonymous said...

You might try approaching women as people whom you'd like to get to know as people rather than for sex. If you want sex, go to a bar. If you want something more meaningful, approach women as human beings without an agenda except to be friendly and meet new people (ok women).
If women sense your focus is sex, they may give you their number out of politeness or pleasing behaviour but they won't be interested. What's to be interested in if your focus is sex? Stop selling yourself short by looking only for sex.

There are man-hating women but clearly there are women-hating men including in this thread. Do you think women find that attractive? We all have to start being a lot nicer and more respectful.

And women only give you a second of eye contact for a variety of reasons. Often if we give more eye contact, men assume we want sex. Some women are afraid to be that assertive. Some aren't friendly. Some are shy. And so on. Don't make so many assumptions because not all women are the same.

But definitely you only want to pursue when there is some mutual interest.

From a Toronto woman :)

Anonymous said...

I am myself from South America 26 years old and I have ended a 4 years long relationship with my ex girlfriend (Torontonian) the reason why? very simple, all this person was worry about in life was about where in the city to live (location, location, location) places to visit (restaurants, bars, clubs, malls, etc) and again "location, location" what to wear and so on, but I have not problem with that, my problem is that she complained how cheap I was when I decided not to go out and spend money the way she did.

Now here I am enrolled in full time college engineering program which I pay for it myself after using my brain to figure out how to invest the money saved during all that time and what better way to invest MY money saved than investing in a new career in school or boosting your existing one? well this was not a good idea for her and instead of spending her earning on me she said to me our future was uncertain... I said to her, and I quote "Maybe your future is uncertain, but NOT mine.. thank you and good bye"


It was like dealing with a 14 year old holding an iphone and listing to music while trying to talk to you.

Cheers!

richpeasant said...

>>But definitely you only want to pursue when there is some mutual interest<<

Friends, Collegoe or work is the only way nowdays, apart feom being famous and/or having money.

Outside of that in a north American or northen European city it's a waste of time.

I'n not a woman hater, just the opposite. but I know women are not very good at being introspective and questioning their own behaviour.



Anonymous said...

<<You might try approaching women as people whom you'd like to get to know as people rather than for sex. If you want sex, go to a bar. If you want something more meaningful, approach women as human beings without an agenda except to be friendly and meet new people (ok women)<<

You might try approaching men as people you'd like to know rather than as wallets and success objects. Or if you are too chicken, which I suspect you are, then ask yourself this question - Why would any man in his right mind want to go up and talk to a woman who won't even look at him?

<<And women only give you a second of eye contact for a variety of reasons. Often if we give more eye contact, men assume we want sex<<

Yes and we are supposed to read your mind. OK, then open your mouth for a change and tell us. We aren't mind readers. So much for assertiveness trainng. (BTW, I never assume women want sex. I don't believe women actually even have sex nowdays, unless a man is rich and/or famous.)

The German said...

"You might try approaching women as people whom you'd like to get to know as people rather than for sex. If you want sex, go to a bar. If you want something more meaningful, approach women as human beings without an agenda except to be friendly and meet new people (ok women).
If women sense your focus is sex, they may give you their number out of politeness or pleasing behaviour but they won't be interested. What's to be interested in if your focus is sex? Stop selling yourself short by looking only for sex."

Lets assume that every men on earth becomes asexual. Suddenly most of the males will only hang out with other males or the few women, who actually are able to add value to a conversation and behave like equals, not expecting the man to hold most of the conversation and make her laugh.

The reason, why men even approach women is, because they are sexually attractive. Women are the same. The only difference is, that they do not approach, but choose.
Imagine a big, fat, ugly guy and a very good looking model type guy approaching you. Both have the exactly same character. Who do you choose? It is natural, that you choose the model type guy.
Men cannot read minds and see, if you have a deep and social character and are fun to be around. If you actually have those traits, thats great.

Now its time to present your social side. Do not wait for the man to do the second or third step (maybe, do not even wait for the first step). Invest and do not be paranoid about, how it could be a bad investion. Be motivated, even when it turns out that the guy has not much to talk about or rejects. But even guys can be shy. How you handle a shy guy is your decision.

Talk about stuff in your life, your hobbies (not shopping, real hobbies, sports), open up, be situationally funny. I hope you know how to do it, many women do not. At least here in germany.
You will be surprised, that many men will engage in meaningful conversation with you.

On the other hand. If you are one of those shallow girls, who have extremely high expectations, but do nothing more, than leaning back and letting the male lead most of the conversation...well. Do not be surprised, if the guys focus on sex/loose interest/you do not feel a connection.
There is nothing else for the male to go for, but physical beauty (sex).
And if there is, you are not showing it.

It is not about women or men bashing, its about equality.

Equality:
She tells something about her life and takes care, that he enjoys the communication AND he tells something about his life and takes care, that she enjoys the communication.
They explore each others character and build a connection. They have sex and a healthy relationship.

Most (NOT ALL) times:
He tells something about his life and takes care, that she enjoys the communication way more, than vice versa. He also does most of the talking.
She is demanding, talks sometimes about superficial stuff like clubbing and shopping, but is receptive to him (smiling, listening, short comments), because he is so funny/handsome (sexism!!1 Haha!)/Social.
Sex. Maybe an unhealthy relationship. If he is very lucky, she has a pleseant character, but did not show it in the early stages.

John said...

Women will let men do all the work in approaching and then criticize them from THAT position. That is what they prefer, and naturally, because the man does all the approaching it can only be something HE did wrong if things didn't work out. He either communicated sexual intent too strongly, or was too wishy washy, or whatever else. I've said it before, you simply cannot take a woman's criticisms of men approaching seriously unless she also regularly puts in the effort herself to approach men, and has perspective as a result. But since practically no woman does that, then the best you can do is regard a woman's comments on the matter as half-truths.