Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Double Standards And Hypocrisy

I made a list of as many double standards as I could think of that exist in terms of what is expected from men as a group and women as a group, and the views that are held with regards to each. I chose to list only those examples of double standards and hypocrisy which are obvious to anyone who has not lived in a cave. I only wanted to focus on the obvious things which people may or may not be aware of, but which are obviously true once you think about it. This makes it a lot harder to refute than something which you have to dig deep to prove, which is why I did it this way.

Here they are:

• Modern women are strong and independent, but they are also victims of male oppression, as well as being easily offended by anything in the media which portrays women in an even slightly negative light.

• When men complain about hard to meet women in public, women say that men should just keep trying until they meet the right girl. But at the same time women give various reasons for not wanting to meet men in public (e.g. they are potential creeps, stalkers, rapists), and as such they refuse to make it any easier for men to meet them.

• Women will dismiss men in a bar/club environment just because they are part of that environment. But, if by association, the men in a certain environment are bad, aren't the women also bad since they are also part of that environment? This never occurs to women.

• Women are allowed to feel special for being able to give birth, but men aren't allowed to feel special for building civilization.

• Unless proven otherwise, men are potentially dangerous, violent, potential rapists etc. But there is no equivalent view that, unless proven otherwise, women are potential gold diggers, home-wreckers, etc.

• When men say they want women to acknowledge their existence, either with eye contact, a smile, or hello, that's called male entitlement. But when women say they want a man with a laundry list of attributes that's called knowing what they want, not settling, and having standards. Women will say that they don't owe men a smile, eye contact, or a hello, but women feel that men owe them chivalry and want men to treat them like "ladies", pay for dates, etc.

• When men say they want to be able to look at women they find attractive that's called male entitlement and objectifying women. But when women want to know early on what a man does for a living that's called wanting to know him better.

• Women can dress as sexy as they want and god forbid a man shows sexual interest in them as a result. Therefore, men must show restraint and act like gentlemen, but women don't have to show restraint and act like ladies.

• When men cheat on women it's because they want something on the side, and are often called pigs for doing this. But when women cheat on men it's because they are "unsatisfied" in the relationship and are looking to fill a void in their life. In other words, it's the man's fault.

• When men complain about how hard it is to meet women they are told to go out more and be more proactive (man up). When women complain about how hard it is to meet men they are told it's because there are no good men left.

• When men drive big trucks some women say that they are compensating for having a small penis. When short men go to the gym to put on muscle some women say they are compensating for being short. But when women put on makeup, sexy clothes, and workout that isn't called compensating. That's called striving to look and feel your best.

• It's okay to make fun of men in pop culture and television, but not women because that promotes a negative stereotype.

• Men falling behind in education hardly shows up on the public radar, but if it were women there would be a public uproar. In fact, women falling behind in anything always gets lots of media attention.

• Women like to see themselves as strong and confident and all about equality, but when it comes to romance the man must make the first move and start the process. And he must also be prepared to spend money on them by default.

• When women are abused and assaulted by men they are always victims, and men always the offenders. When men are abused and assaulted by women they probably did something to deserve it.

• Women only clubs are allowed but men only clubs are publicly scorned and accused of being discriminatory.

• Female sexuality has value but male sexuality is worthless. This is explained further here.

• When men show off their physique (e.g. muscles) women frown on that, just because... But when women show off their physique they are admired for it and called beautiful, even if they are somewhat fat. A fat man showing off his physique is laughed at and ridicule.

• Anything that can hurt women is unacceptable. But if something wrongfully hurts men, but more women are helped as a result, that's a good thing. For example, keeping the identity of men accused of sexual assault anonymous to the public unless there is a conviction is bad because it can prevent more victims and more evidence from coming forward. And in addition, the alleged victim could face a greater chance of reprisal by the accused, since he is not known to the public. The bottom line here is that releasing the names of ALL the accused to the public results in a potentially greater chance of helping the victims (primarily women) even though it has a definitely greater chance of unjustly hurting the wrongfully accused (primarily men). Having men get unnecessarily hurt in this process is the collateral damage necessary to ensure the safety of as many women as possible. Women are MORE important after all.

• Making it a crime to falsely accuse a man of rape is bad because it can discourage some female victims from coming forward. But the fact that it can also prevent some women from filing phony rape charges (which results in fewer innocent men being hurt), is never brought up.


I do want to mention one big double standard in men's favor. It is the sex double standard in which promiscuous men are called "studs" and promiscuous women are called "sluts". However, given how difficult it is for the average man to meet new women, let alone sleep with them, this double standard never actually becomes reality for most men. It is merely a "nice thought" if it were to actually happen.

Now, I will say that some double standards are necessary. For example, a new employee cannot be held to the same standard of performance as a senior employee. A child cannot be held to the same standard of maturity as an adult. They must be given special consideration until they get up to speed. But with these double standards it is at least understood that the new employee, or child, will eventually be expected to "perform" at the higher level with sufficient time for development. And at no point is the new employee or the child called superior or more deserving, more worthy, or more capable, simply because of their status as "new employee" or "child". The trade off for their special consideration is that they have a lower organizational rank.

But with women this is not the case. With women these double standards exist not because they are deemed incapable or less competent as men, but because of a cultural bias against men and because women are viewed as better than men and deserving of better treatment than men. Women must be more coddled, more placated, and given more special consideration than men because they are more important than men and their needs matter more. But they are also viewed as equal to or better than men in matters of competence and performance, which ultimately puts them in a higher social class than men. In other words, they are in a higher social class than men AND they still get the special treatment that the new employee or child receives.

It is also insidious that because women are assumed better than or equal to men in terms of performance and ability, then things like the gender pay gap are automatically assumed to be due to discrimination against women, by men. There is a huge blind spot at work here where it is simply not acknowledged that the pay gap is due to the average woman choosing less riskier, less stressful jobs, with fewer hours. But this is not a politically correct truism and in addition it doesn't make women sound virtuous, so it is swept under the rug, and instead an alternate bogus explanation is given in which the wage gap is said to be due to discrimination of women by men. The bogus discrimination explanation in turn adds even more fuel to the already existing anti-male views, and is an example of a fictitious double standard in favor of men being used as yet another piece of fodder and ammunition in promoting real double standards in favor of women.

Bottom line, women and society has internalized the greater importance and preferred treatment of women, and the lower importance and lesser treatment of men. It will never be directly admitted but the actions and words of women and society (as well as all the denial to mask the truth), prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the case.

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Always brilliant and accurate as usual John, well said!

In another one of your posts you mentioned that you don't want to get started on what a joke modern marriages in western society are. I say go for it, it needs to be addressed. Marriages and weddings in our society these days are so ridiculous someone needs to rant about them. I can think of no better person than you! By the way, if you want to escape this terrible feminist society we live in, go to the Philippines. You will have an unlimited supply of young, slim, sexy, horny, feminine girls that treat men like gods! After going there, the thought of living anywhere else will be horrifying!

John said...

I think that's what I'll work on next. Marriages and weddings are archaic institutions at best. For many women it's not the marriage, it's the wedding they dream about!

I've frequently read about the Philippines, as well as South America, and Eastern Europe. Hopefully sometime in the next few years I'll do an extended overseas visit, which I'll report on of course!

Anonymous said...

When women are rejected by men, they tell themselves, "He's intimidated by my intelligence," when she's actually a hateful, repugnant bitch. Modern Western women are the most self-centered, immature, and willfully delusional creatures on the planet and Toronto women are the epitome of this perverse ideal.

Travel is always refreshing because it reminds you that women aren't naturally evil – their behavior comes from selective breeding and years of indoctrination.

Anonymous said...

I don't think having the skill/charm to attract Toronto women is considered a compliment anymore.

I look at myself and ask, if i'm able to attract such arrogant, self-centered, immature women, what does that say about me??

Fortunately, i won't be here to see 2013 in North America!

Anonymous said...

Enjoyable read as always!
Iam from Germany and also like many of you guys an ex-PUA.
That double standards you are talking about are also present here. It depends from girl to girl though (or should i say women to women, i prefer them over girls of my age).

I just want to share a little story of mine. Last time when i went to my haircutter (<-- is that good english?), i had a long talk with one girl who works there.
She recently lost like 40 pounds and now looks quite good. She told me that she wants to meet a man, but with the same breath she also told me that she will not give guys in a disco a chance, nor any other guys who cold approach her.
She wants to get her prince from her social circle.
Well...girls logic i suppose ;D.

I for myself am quite happy, that this "You pay my dinner or no sex" is not so common here, at least from my perspective.
When i have a date, which is quite rare, since i do not approach very much and have high standards which i do not break, the women till now always accepted that we pay for ourselves or even invited me.


On an ending note i want to thank you, john, for writing and having written your blogs. I could extract good stuff out of it. Iam not yet done flushing the pua thought reform program out of my system, but iam on a very good way and your blog played and will play a supportive role for that process.

PS: I do not know about South America and phillipines, but i can say very much about Eastern Europe since my last date was polish and i meet casually with a girl from st. petersburg when she is in germany.
From my point of view the women in eastern europe have genereally a better character, are more beautiful and much easier to handle and hook up with, than german women.
And by that i mean ALOT! All those artificial barriers do to a great amount not exist. I can imagine that mass approaches on the streets of russia will get you laid like a king.
Just do not go on that strange sites, where you can meet and marry eastern europe women. Those women just want your money.

John said...

Yes, many girls want to meet their prince in a way that's romantic. They don't care about what's practical, or realistic, they just want it to fit with their particular romanticized view of how they want to meet a man. Too bad for them in the long run.

I too have had some good experiences with Russian women. They are quite a bit classier than most of the local white trash women that grow up here.

Anonymous said...

another example of what you are talking about: http://www.datehater.com/2010/11/why-girls-on-dating-websites-dont-know.html

Anonymous said...

That's why this site exists. There's going to be a lineup of schmucks in front of the attractive women no matter what they do in Toronto, so they don't have to put any effort into being interesting or nice.

John said...

Men send out mass emails because women do nothing.

Women do nothing because men send out mass emails.

Women are justified in not responding because they get so many emails, it's a lot of effort to go through them, and most of them "suck" anyway.

Men are justified in not sending emails because they get no response anyway. Oh but wait, guys keep trying anyway. That's the difference!

The double standard in that post you linked to is this:

She doesn't have to make the effort and sift through the good from the bad but as a man you have to keep trying and stand out from the rest. My response to that: No, fuck that! I've been there and I've done that! No more!

Anonymous said...

Life is indeed to short for the endless and likely indiscriminate in the end stream of "oh god please notice me" messages.

Anonymous said...

Online dating is a trap in Toronto. You'll rarely see any of the attractive women on the sites, because they don't need them. Basically, you'll get used to looking at the bottom of the barrel... sad, broken, crazy people who can't do any better. The older the woman, the more issues. You can practically smell the entitlement, bitterness and man-hatred coming off some of the profiles.

Your chances are still better meeting in person, despite our miserable stone-faced bitch walls. Avoid the club scene and make eye contact and "safe" conversation with women in everyday situations, preferably women who haven't been in Toronto for long. Avoid any pick-up artist shit and look for the extremely rare decent girl. The other kind of Toronto woman is dangerous to your bank account and your mental health.

Anonymous said...

^ I wanna shake the hand of the commentator above!

Anyone gotten to the point of literally not even willing to notice women in Toronto anymore?

Seriously, even when interacting with them during the day, i feel nothing anymore regardless of the woman's beauty.

I can't remember the last time my heart started beating so fast, pupils dilated, nervousness around an attractive woman.

I don't know about other guys in Toronto, but having lived here for over a decade now, this is the end result for a heterosexual male in his prime.

Thank god i am finally leaving Toronto in 3 months!

Be smart gentlemen, accept the decrease in pay, and the probability of having to learn a new language as an expat somewhere outside North America and especially Toronto, but overall, you'll have a much happier life, career and women wise.

Anonymous said...

This next story relates to the Hypocrisy of Toronto women please read!! Have you guys ever struck up a conversation with a Toronto Taxi cab driver about Toronto women? Well if you haven't then do it, because you will be shocked! A few years ago I was coming back from a club taking a cab back home with no lady by my side again. The driver looks in his rear view mirror and notices the angry but sad look on my face and says in a deep Indian accent.

"Hey bro why so sad?" I told him "I'm just fed up with the women in this city I try everything, I work out I'm smart, charming, funny good looking......but I have no luck with the women in this damn city!" The cab driver starts laughing and says "What are you talking about man? Toronto women are so loose! Sometimes when they get into my cab they get horny! Sometimes for a free ride sometimes just to fuck!! And they are not even drunk! Just the other day a nice young UofT student got into my taxi and wanted to go to a hotel because she was horny! So we went and I fucked her in the hotel! hahahaha!" My jaw was on the cab floor anger raced through my body, this dude was one ugly motherfucker but according to him he gets tons of pussy! I gave him a good tip though for the story lol.

Felt like my soul was ripped out of my body I had so much anger at Toronto women, do I have to be a cab driver just to get laid? So the next week roles around and again on my way back home after no success at the club, I asked the Somalian driver about Toronto women he tells me "Funny story brother, I picked up two hot white girls young in the their early 20's from the club some guy from the club wanted to get into the cab with them but they pushed him out, one of the girls got into my front seat and was begging for sex so we went back to her place and we had a threesome and they were not drunk, I don't take advantage of drunk girls"

Also let me just say that not all drivers take up the offers of sex from Toronto women because they don't want to be caught in something that can potentially get them fired. So Toronto women will only do something with a man if they know they can get something for free or they think no body will find out that they are having sex.

John said...

Statistically, I wonder how many girls they have to pick up in their cabs before they get sexual offers. That really does just sound like a numbers game... a numbers game that's part of your job but a numbers game nonetheless.

Nice story though. It proves that some women will desperately want sex, but will only go after it under circumstances that are not reproducible by 99% of the male population.

Anonymous said...

Yeah it really is a numbers game but not bad for just sitting in your car and not having the headaches of trying to even talk to these "women"

John said...

True, and it's a side benefit of the job. A perk. And it should make anyone wonder why go to all these lengths to chase women when they can make it so easy for you.

Those women probably rejected every single advance guys made in the clubs, but once they get in a cab they are suddenly receptive to the driver. What changed? The environment changed, that's it. But this knowledge still gives 99% of guys no new advantage, unless you're willing to drive a cab through busy Toronto streets at night, while putting up with all the related stress, just to get an occasional offer of sex from some bitches who are unable to meet men in normal functional ways that are accessible to the vast majority of men. It's like these bitches refuse to select something from the menu of a restaurant with lots of different choices. So they instead opt for whatever they can get at some after hours street meat place at the corner (no offense to cab drivers, I'm just using an analogy here).

Anonymous said...

LOL I've had the same fuckin conversation with at least 5 cab drivers!!!

I was so fuckin pissed that this one cab dude who frankly was a nice guy, and i don't judge people based on their looks, but he was this indian/pakistani or something, short, bald, with a beer belly and some weird smell or maybe it his car was smelly.

While guys like myself who are at least 5'10+ (i'm over 6'0), who work out/body build, career focused, dress/smell nice (made in france cologne :P), literally don't get shit from women in this city.

In fact, once you set foot downtown Toronto on a friday or saturday night, you could be freakin Brad Pitt himself, your value will drop IMMEDIATELY just by the fact that you're dressed nice and the general (female) assumption that you're going to drink/pick up girls.

I am thankful that i have made a smart decision of eliminating myself from Downtown Toronto on friday/saturday nights (and any night actually), which also meant that i stopped drinking as i drink socially. So in essence i found myself with more cash in the bank that i would've spent on cover/drinks (for myself only), AND better workout results through eliminating a dreadful carbohydrate intake from beer.

All in all, best decision ever made.

Oh yah, got me a brand new playstation 3, and couple of nice bloody shooter games to keep me occupied for the next two months till i leave this shit hole :D

Anonymous said...

Women get off on cock-teasing guys. It's a power trip, a turn-on, and a protected validation of their sexuality. Also, it's a game as old as time, and a lot of these women aren't single or sane. Don't believe the bullshit the feminists spout about slut walk and wearing whatever they want - women dress like that to get attention and to try and lead guys around by their dicks.

This is something women don't like to admit. They like to pretend that they are victims and blameless when their schemes fall apart. Take a look around. Toronto women are selfish, materialistic, and heartless. I've seen older women literally training younger ones to become more manipulative, more dishonest, and more misandrist. Searching for a good, kind woman here is like looking for water in a desert.

J said...

Amazing as always. A case of having your cake and eating it too. Thanks for this, missed your blogs...

Anonymous said...

But yet, women still do not rule the world... you have the answer to everything, why is this?

John said...

Men mostly run the world, but they create rules that benefit women more, at least in western societies that's the case. Warren Farrell has written extensively on this. Here's a quote from him taken from http://www.menweb.org/svofarre.htm:

"You could make a case that women taught men to play the role of chauffeur in life, that women sat in the back seat as mother and told us in the front seat in the uniforms to drive and we figured out the best way to get there without asking directions and the woman just fired us if we didn't do it right and continued to employ us if we did it right. You could make a case that women addicted men to their sexuality and then withdrew their sexuality until we provided them with a source of income. You could make a case that women figured out a way of brainwashing boys to earn money that the women spend to have better homes while we live out in the mines and construction sites and kill ourselves. You could do that but that would also be an incorrect masculinization and demonization of the female role. The truth is that neither sex had power. Both sexes had roles. Rather than raise children, men's role was to raise money. When you have a role, you have an obligation, you don't have power. Power is the ability to control your own life."

And the few men who have it very good should not detract from the plight of the vast majority of men who do not have it nearly as good and who suffer, among other things, from the double standards mentioned here.

Anonymous said...

Hi. My story part one: I am not from Toronto, I'm from the SE United States, but I've spent several hours reading your blogs on Toronto women and the PUA community today.
I've been married and divorced twice, I'm soon to be 40, and I have two boys from each marriage, the youngest I have custody of.
My first ex spouse cheated on me, and of course it was my fault for not providing her "something" that I've never understood. She is a selfish, immature, only child who was raised as a princess. She ultimately left my in a $25,000 financial hole and took me for over $800 US dollars a month in child support. I was almost out of that hole when I met my second ex wife. I was rebounding, 35, had lost some weight and was feeling good, but I had my mind set on starting over with a younger woman. BUT, she was 28...a grown woman, not a baby. No kids. Youthful figure...It seemed perfect. But I had gone through a lot of bad dates and rejections before meeting her out one night. The hidden elephant in the room was her alcoholism. I was blinded to it. I found someone who liked me for me, so I subconsciously liked her for her and neglected to really see the tragedy that wound up happening.
Now...men sometimes cheat. Men can be alcoholics. Men can destroy marriages just like women. But I found a common theme. In the end, it took fighting very hard in court in the case of my second divorce to prove I was worthy, going up against a vagina, to have legal rights over my child. She literally could have been a Vegas stripper and a meth addict. So I went back into the hole, plus I had another mouth to feed and still primary responsibility in gathering those resources.
Fast forward and I'm finally feeling good about dating again, though much wiser. I won't deny that I still feel most comfortable dating a woman 5-10 years younger. I look very young, recently went on a date with someone who told me I looked younger than most of the 30 year olds she had been out with. I date in that age range because most women at 40 have given up and just expect a man to provide with very little in return. As a woman gets older, her expectations rise as her physical attractiveness wanes, and I'm sort of "behind" when it comes to finances because of two bad divorces.
I've been utilizing Internet dating primarily, because of the logistics of being a single parent.
I've had my share of luck, two serious relationships that didn't last because of certain character failings that sent up red flags.

Anonymous said...

My story part two:
I'm close to dating a 31 year old woman with 4 kids, BUT a high paying career and an involved ex spouse. I feel like if nothing else, being somewhat old fashioned in the motherhood department may set her above the rest. Yet it is easy to be frustrated and already see some red flags. In trying hard not to let emotional baggage set me up for failure.
I have been reading a little bit online about dating, and have brushed through some PUA stuff. I'm not allowing myself to be brainwashed into thinking I have to manipulate to get involved with someone. In fact, I have found that I've done OK just being me. I think PUA stuff is for immature men who want to bang college aged girls rather than meet mature women. Ha, the trouble is in finding ANY mature women in Western culture these days.
So I have taken some of the wheat from the chaffe. Common sense, always known this. Look your best, be natural and conversational. Seek out women who are your equal, don't go into it with sex as the priority. Eventually a relationship will happen. One of my difficulties now however is that my financial resources prevent me from being quite as attractive as I once was, having a child almost full time is also a double standard that many women uphold...huge bias against a guy with a small kid (I don't want to raise some other woman's baby)....also, lower financial resources tend to make
"having a life" difficult, as well as being a full time parent. The best I can do is devote my time to activities with my son and make him my "life". But this burdens my social life somewhat.
Anyway...I agree that western women are difficult and I am trying to shed my resentments and biases, but I find it extremely difficult to put up with the 70/30 ratio of how much effort the man must put in, particularly initially, to the courtship ritual. I'm in full agreement that we need to revamp our culture to instill a 50/50 mentality. I have no problem with the old fashioned ideal of the man initiating things. In fact I've become accustomed to this and prefer it. I find women who are forward tend to be a little off putting and not feminine in my mind. However, I am disgusted by the notion that once a man decides to pursue, and a woman engages in the ritual (wants to be pursued), that a GAME must occur where a man has to think every move, worry about looking needy, pushy, too aggressive, not aggressive enough, and calculate everything. It starts out adversarial and that's why it ends adversarially in the long run. I've learned that the hard way. Thanks for letting me express some thoughts.

Anonymous said...

The irony in this comment is outstanding:

She recently lost like 40 pounds and now looks quite good. She told me that she wants to meet a man, but with the same breath she also told me that she will not give guys in a disco a chance, nor any other guys who cold approach her.
She wants to get her prince from her social circle.
Well...girls logic i suppose ;D.

I for myself am quite happy, that this "You pay my dinner or no sex" is not so common here, at least from my perspective.
When i have a date, which is quite rare, since i do not approach very much and have high standards which i do not break, the women till now always accepted that we pay for ourselves or even invited me.


> criticise woman for having standards
> have high standards
> create double standard in post about double standards

Anonymous said...

To the poster above:

I think you confuse being narrow minded (e.g. not open to even initial conversation, short answers) and cliquish in a cold approach setting as having standards.

So if i would follow your argumentation, the ladies i get to know through private parties or any other warm approach setting do not have standards at all. Why?
Because they mostly do not act narrow minded and cliquish, when they are in their social circle.

I do not think you did that on purpose, but you just took the negative traits (negative for both genders btw.) of such a woman as i described above and turned it into something positive, namely "having standards".

Of course a woman has standards and a man has too. But what you described as females "having standards" is justifying their inferior behaviour.

One other example. I cold approach a girl in a disco. Iam not her type. Completely legit. If you did that as much as i did, you will begin to notice that only a minimalistic few girls have the courage to politely reject you and not boost their status by brushing you off very rude.
It often ends in quite awkward situations for you, when you try to chat her up and she only responds marginally or even worse makes fun of you with her friends. As you get more experienced you learn to avoid some of those situations.
Now, lets say you get approached by a girl you do not find attractive. Do you rudely brush her off in order to get attention? I doubt it. You will most likely tell her politely, that she is not your type or even have a nice, short conversation with her. Without short answers on either side, of course.

Okay, thats about it. I hope you understand, where i see a problem in your assumptations.

A final note on PUA's though.
I figure that you come from a PUA's point of view and i can somehow understand you, because i also had that viewpoint before 2-3 years. PUA's are not only told that this childish female behaviour equals "high standards", they are also told to "man up" and break through her bitchshield with the "power of a real Don Juan or ".
Well, that is the real irony.

Funny how i fell for it, the author of that blog fell for it and many others are still in there.

inlovewiththeblues said...

I'd like to add:

In marriage, the "modern" woman all of a sudden becomes VERY traditional when it comes to planning the wedding and buying the rings--the man has to "man-up" and pay for everything.

During summer, a woman flaunting her body is "expressing her freedom". She reacts very strongly to the words "slut" (if she happens to be fit) and "gross" (if she happens to be overweight). If a man were to take his shirt off? There's no freedom there, it becomes either "Eww put your shirt back on" (if he happens to be overweight) or "Put your shirt back on you tool" (if he happens to be fit).

alex brown said...

I'm close to dating a 31 year old woman with 4 kids, BUT a high paying career and an involved ex spouse. I feel like if nothing else, being somewhat old fashioned in the motherhood department may set her above the rest"

If she is old fashioned why is she dating with 4 kids? What did she do to the man who fathered them?
You are divorced twice and yet you are going for a single mother with 4 kids? No offence but you are acting like a lemming.