Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Paradox Of Choice

The more choice you have, the less enthusiastic you are about your choices. This statement nicely summarizes the consumer attitude many women in this culture have towards men in the dating scene.

This video by Barry Schwartz (posted below), describes in detail how people in general react when faced with too many choices. But you can easily extend this to the dating scene, where women are concerned.

The paradox works like this: This culture teaches men to pursue women, while teaching women to hold back. This lopsided dynamic enables women to experience excess choice, which results in the paradox of them being less satisfied about their choices, which in turn results in them choosing less, and when they do, with less fervor. This negative feedback causes the men to (mistakenly) try harder and pursue even more, which causes women to become even more dissatisfied, and more "picky". It's a self-reinforcing feedback, and not to mention a lose-lose scenario. The only solution is for men as a whole to drastically cut back on the pursuing which will result in the women appreciating their (fewer) choices more, which ironically means that men will have more success with women. But I'm pessimistic in this regard, as men will generally see any reduction in effort from the "competition" as a sign for them to jump in and fill the void. The result is that the pursuing will remain at a steady high level. That said, the only solution is to switch to a different geographic location where the culture is more balanced between the sexes, and your rank in females eyes isn't akin to a cereal aisle with 100 different choices.



Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VO6XEQIsCoM

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fascinating. Too much choice for women is indeed a big factor why women have low character.

Anonymous said...

I go to a salsa clubs in Toronto as I like to salsa dance. It seems men always outnumber women usually by quite a bit. Last week a new attractive hungarian girl who is new to Canada, single, never married, no kids and was 42 years old attended. She was approached by other guys who had displayed this abnormally strong hunger for female companionship. The over strong attention she got by men made me realize that women have got this game in their hands- even though they may not want it. So I blame only those women who inapproriately take advantage and let the demo graphic ratio of higher men to women caused by nature's imbalance let it get to their heads when they begin to think that they are real princesses -- that is why so many men are after them. This sorry state of men chasing women with this intense hunger and craving makes me realize that the situation has a long way to go before any real change. But ironically all it takes is a simple demographic change that only nature can do in a decade or so create more girls than boys. Hence I am of the opinion that feminism has largely been caused by demograhics of more men than women. In my family for instance, my two older sisters had three boys each -- and my nephew just married three years ago -- has also got three boys. So for some reason it seems nature is giving more boys than girls in this part of the world right now which puts women in a powerful situation. But nature also is known to quickly change -- and if the next decade more girls are born than men -- the problems this generation of men faces with women will end in a natural way.

John said...

Years ago I met this really attractive girl from lavalife at one of the salsa clubs. One of the guys at the club used that as an excuse to "hog" her all for himself by repeatedly dancing with her song after song, while essentially disrespecting me (her company for the evening). Eventually I got fed up and pulled her away from him, but I know that the damage was done. She was overloaded with male attention that night and it surely lowered me in her eyes. I never got together with her again, despite making the attempt (although I'm not sure she would have anyway). But the experience taught me the perils of taking a girl somewhere that guys are going to be on her like fleas on a dog. Not much you can do about that though, since ultimately it's impossible to shield these women from all the choice they have. They have to realize on their own that the solution is to just pick someone they like, not someone who is perfect. But it doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon.

Jeffy Burton said...

I do not live in Canada so i can't fully judge the situation, but "Too much choice for women" is just not true. ... its more like "Too much choice for physically attractive people in general". That fact won't change regardless of where you live.


Wouldn't you be spoiled if u had attention from tons of women all the time? The character of these women is not by choice but by experiences with their environment.
The main problem is, why would you go for these low character women in the first place? The answer is quiet simple, looks.

So the real question here is ... what kind of outcome do you expect if you are being superficial in the first place?

Think about it.

John said...

Any reasonably attractive woman has ample choice around here. And if you put a plain looking woman in an environment where she has even more choice, like the internet personals, she will end up rejecting men there who she would be glad approached her in real life. Think about that.

The question is, would I be spoiled too? That's one way of saying its okay for women to act a certain way, because so would men in their shoes. I don't buy that line of reasoning. People can choose not to act a certain way and I have certainly made certain "sacrifices" in my life which run contrary to what the herd is doing. So people can certainly rise above certain behaviour instead of throwing themselves to it because it's so damn easy.

I'm superficial? I'm going for low character women? You are making too many assumptions. It's not as if I'm talking about only the women who are very attractive and get hit on all the time, but rather a problem that stretches across plain women, to average women, to very attractive women. But like you said, you haven't been here.

Anonymous said...

Cnn't agree it's about physical attractiveness in general. Good looking women want more than good looking men. And since most places are just sausage parties it's time to go where the is a demand. I go to south america and have never turned back. But it took years to wake up.

Anonymous said...

It's not just about attractiveness. It is about a mind set. Most women, of all looks and age are inflicted with the victim belief -- and that they are entiltled to privillege bc they are victims to male oppression. That is the real problem. Btw what is attractiveness in a woman? Is it the make up, her clothes, facial features? Most average women who dress well become attractive. Fact is most men want a mediocre look girl -- most do not want an over attractive girl unless it is for one night. Being an attractive person also has its problems and for some it is a curse. So problem is not really about looks but is more about mind set.