Friday, August 20, 2010

Women Are Not Justified In Being Very Picky

A lot of men (and some women) argue that women are justified in being very picky because they (unlike men) can get pregnant. So as a result, women are forced to exercise more caution in mate selection since a mistake is much more "costly".

Now, I will agree that there is some truth to this statement. Women are naturally going to be a bit more selective than men since they carry more of the risk, whereas a man can spread his genes without as much risk (evolutionarily speaking).

However, what these people usually fail to mention is that there is only 5-6 days of the month in which a woman can get pregnant, and the rest of the time there is virtually no risk of pregnancy. In other words, the majority of the time a woman can sex it up just like a man and not have to worry about any consequences related to unwanted pregnancy.

In fact, in one study* of chimpanzee populations (our closest relatives in the animal kingdom), female chimps were observed to be especially promiscuous (less choosy) when the risk of pregnancy was low. But they were choosier when the chance of pregnancy was highest. During this time they would mate more frequently with the higher-ranking males. This overall strategy would secure a high number of affiliations while also securing the best genes.

The results of this study make a lot of sense. Why should females be picky all the time when there is no biological reason to be? It seems to be a much better strategy to be picky when you have to be and the rest of the time just have fun, even with a guy who doesn't match every single criteria on your monster checklist.

But this is not what's happening.

Women in these parts are picky for reasons that have more to do with their own inflated sense of fabulousness, and less to do with any script dictated by their hormones.

The other thing is that, with the use of contraceptives such as condoms and birth control pills, there is even less need to be picky. On the one hand (with condoms) you are consciously communicating that there is a barrier between her precious eggs and your (potentially) low-value sperm. On the other hand (with the pill), those same hormones affecting women's picky-ness in the high-risk period should be completely removed so that at no point in the month will she be justified in behaving like a stone-faced gatekeeper.

But I realize this may just be too much for some to take in. But the jig is up. Well for me personally it was up a long time ago. I have long since realized that women's picky-ness is for the most part not a sign of anything virtuous (social or biological), but rather a sign of intense self-love brought on by decades of feminism and society-wide ego stroking of women.

* "The efficacy of female choice in chimpanzees of the Tai Forest, Cote d'Ivoire", by R.M. Stumpf and C. Boesch, 2006.

19 comments:

The Plague Doctor said...

"Why should females be picky all the time when there is no biological reason to be?"

Is it really that difficult? There is another obvious evolutionary reason: this is because they want to maintain a reputation of being selective and non-slutty, as this signals to prospective mates that their children will be more likely theirs.

John said...

If that's true it is a response to the social environment. The minute they go on vacation somewhere that nobody knows them, all bets are off. Also, there are plenty of places in the non-anglo world where women are naturally much more approachable and much easier to hook up with, which tends to weaken the evolutionary defense argument.

The Plague Doctor said...

The willingness of women to hook up with males outside of their territory is explained by hybrid vigor.

Anonymous said...

"...self-love brought on by decades of feminism and society-wide ego stroking of women"

I have NEVER in my life read a more succinct and accurate sentence of God inspired truth than this about why women are the way the are (especially in the West and in Toronto). When I read it --somehting snapped in me. I KNEW this all the time growing up and living in Toronto my whole life but it always kind of hovered in the back of my mind and I could never put my finger on it.

would you PLEASE keep writing I see you have only one entry for 2011.

GFK

Anonymous said...

What an arrogant, entitled jackass you are.

Oooh sorry, that must be my feminism kicking in.

John said...

^^^ No that's not your feminism kicking in. It's your stupidity.

Jan said...

I agree this "pickiness" is explained through social factors and not through evolutionary psychology. Women are being bombarded with information telling them that they should be: Independent and strong, that love hurts, that love is for the weak. That nobody respects nice guys, so they should like bad guys, but bad guys will break their heart. They want to be accepted and loved but according to what society tells them that they'll be f*cked in all senses when picking a romantic partner. I guess that is a very good reason to become picky.

Then you have to add that regardless of being told 1000s of times every day how much they s*ck unless they buy this miracle product and at the same time they are being told that they are equal to men but with more intuition. And you add that Spoiled girl like attitudes are being told to be virtues, while things like love, empathy, kindness, warmth are portrayed to them as weak signs. It is possible to explain not only their "pickiness" but their "pickiness and bitchiness" at the same time towards the average man.

Anonymous said...

I loved reading this blog, because of all the great articles and also laughing at all the guys moaning and complaining why they can't get chicks.

I know exactly what everyone else is going through, because I am a man and I have gone through the sames things.

Although, to somewhat burst the myth of Women being 'colder', 'less approachable', more 'stuck-up', 'aloof', whatever in Toronto than every place else, I believe this to be false!

Women are difficult to approach everywhere! - I have lived and visited many places.

The problem isn't with the women, the problem lies in you and your approach.

There are formalities and strict rules you *must* follow when approaching any stranger (men included) if you want to be successful in interacting with them.

The rules for enagaging and interacting with strangers are so strict that any deviation from the 'correct' path will generally lead to an undesirable outcome.

So, what are these rules?

Learning the rules of interaction are no different than learning to surf, ride a bike or learning to ski.

There's not much more left for me to write because you can't read your way in to becoming successful with women no more than you read your way in to becoming a successful surfer.

The problem lies in you and your fear of people and in there lies your first challange.

Anonymous said...

Okay. there is something seriously wrong with this blog. am even starting to think that it is written and run by all the single and undesirable men in toronto... ranting about how women do not seem interested in them... lol! Figures!
Anyhow, please get your facts straight... There are 5 to 6 days in a month that a woman CANNOT get pregnant and not vice versa. You can get pregnant any time of the month even when menstruating save for these four days called 'safe days'.
And number two, i think people are justified to be picky. Both men and women. The same way you would not like some woman you find undesirable imposed on you, is the same way some woman would not like the same. You are not doing the world a favour by being with someone you personally dont like. Whether you are a man or a woman.
Then again, personal observation: the blog doesnt address misandry. Misandry is about the hatred of men. Real hatred and not subjective perceptions. This blog is about how men feel that they are hated. Its all subjective. Just because Toronto women don't pay attention to you or treat you the way you would like to be treated then they are misandrists. There is something wrong with these women.
With that said, am done reading. No more b/s for me.

John said...

People who complain about the problems with women in this city tend to give specific details, like details about the women they approached and their response to those approaches, as well as specifics about other places in the world they have traveled to (as comparison to the women in Toronto). And people who say there is nothing wrong with the women in Toronto tend to speak in terms of somewhat vague generalities, i.e. women are the same everywhere because they "should" be the same everywhere. One group is basing opinion on direct feedback and the other group is giving opinion based on some philosophical perspective on how they think things should operate. Now, which do you think is more credible?

And it's not as subjective as you think. Lack of eye contact is not subjective, for example. To some people, things are only subjective when they don't agree with someone.

And btw, there are indeed only a few days of the month where a woman can get pregnant, because the egg is only viable for a few days.

And what about women who are on the pill, who are chemically inhibited from getting pregnant? For such a woman there is no biological excuse to ever be picky, unless she wants to be of course, which is what I'm trying to bring to light in this post.

Anonymous said...

"There are formalities and strict rules you *must* follow when approaching any stranger (men included) if you want to be successful in interacting with them".

Spoken like a true Toronto MANGINA.

I am an MRA (Men Rights Activist) and men like me all over the world DO NOT follow "RULES", we are true MEN, we go by our instinct, we act ourselves all the time. If a woman does not like that, well then SHE is missing out.

"What an arrogant, entitled jackass you are.

Oooh sorry, that must be my feminism kicking in. "

Gosh dont you love it when you strike a nerve?

"Okay. there is something seriously wrong with this blog. am even starting to think that it is written and run by all the single and undesirable men in toronto... ranting about how women do not seem interested in them... lol! Figures!"

HAHAHA that one especially made me laugh. Sweetheart, first of all and this is guaranteed, that people on this blog (myself included) are some of the attractive men in Toronto that you encounter on the train or bus and in public in general and we pretty much SNUB YOU because of your stuck up, arrogant attitude, while in reality, we wouldn't give you the time of the day.

No this is not hatred towards women, this is AWARENESS to the millions of MANGINAS all over Toronto, kissing every woman's ass.

You wanna talk Misandry? Why dont we ask MANGINAS in Toronto how women treat them....If a gf/fiancee/wife calls the police for any reason, saying for e.g: my bf is scaring me, guess who's gonna get locked up? and is it true that her bf is scaring her? maybe, but most of the time ITS NOT! women KNOW the law is with them 100% of the time.

Cheers

abdullah said...

I don't know if you already watch "The science of sex appeal" on Discover. It is available on youtube.
Not all women are very picky. If you can make a woman laugh and feel good about herself you have just become her drug. She will come back for more.
Men are also heavily influenced by biological instinct when it comes to women. Why should a rational man care about a womans waist hip ratio if he only wants some fun sex? Why should even face and boobs matter? A vagina is a vagina. Most men are so hung up on rating women's sexual attractiveness; oh this is a 6 and that is a 10. Men are picky too. Oh the social stigma of walking around with a fatty. What will my friends say. This, when she could be the best lover you ever met in life. This is very similar to women's fear of not conforming to social norms (fear of being called a slut).

Anonymous said...

I think seldom mentioned aspect of this problem is the gender ratio of modern civilization. The fact that we're only descended from around 40% of men paints an interesting picture. Basically women in the past never had the options that are available to them today. Our near perfect 50/50 parity of genders is something our species has never seen in history. Back in our hunter gatherer days, a significant portion of males would be dead before 20, and humans adapted to this higher male mortality rate by giving birth to more boys than girls.

I've brought it up elsewhere and always wished that it would be mentioned more often.

The problem with women is that they have too many options.

Anonymous said...

There needs to be a new term for "picky" when it comes to 40 women and 100 men in a nightclub.

Have you seen how these women behave? their facial expression?

They stand around, or dance with their friends, radiating a strong vibe of "Impress me of fuck off".

Toronto is dead for me. Getting the hell outta here asap.

Ever wondered why these so called "pick up artists" are not located in Toronto? heck i've checked their websites, and they don't even run seminars for Toronto.

In Toronto, you can have game, titanium game, model looks, and you'll get nowhere most of the time.

It's not even about how you approach, in fact i've experimented with various approach styles.

1)Nice guy approach: direct, smile, confident, saying "how are you?" Result: girl not smiling, one word responses.

2)PUA approach: indirect, pretending to be on my way, turn my head, say "you hair is super nice and shiny, is it a wig?" Result: slightly smiling, one word responses, started sweating.

These results span across girls ranging from 5-10 in attractiveness. Never ventured below 5, because quite frankly a 10 in Toronto is like a 6 in Europe, so imagine what a 3 would be like in Toronto. Yup, takes up two bus seats, tattoo on shoulder with a blister/pimple/god-knows-what with pus on it on the other shoulder.

My condolences to the poor bastards remaining in this shit hole, kissing up to fatties, super skinny, and knows-shes-hot, T.O bitches.

James Kerr said...

Considering that many guys would cut their own dick off to get laid, I can't blame women for being picky and being unable to trust most men. But there is a difference between BEING hard to get (because of having high standards) and PLAYING hard to get. The latter is just a boring and useless waste of time, the talent to do nothing, instead of actually doing something like being smarter, funnier, better dressed or better in bed.

Now, let's say I'm wrong. You spend the entire date looking super-cool and uninterested and I somehow find that attractive. What would you like me to tell my friends? How I totally loved how much you didn't speak much make any eye contact and generally acted as if you weren't interested in me?

Really?

This applies to men too and the pathetic DHV approach.

kEiThZ said...

You're messed.

Women are justified in being picky. The probability of pregnancy is not zero, it's just lower.

And parental investment for a human child, is still high, last time I checked.

And if it's a one-night stand that gets you knocked up, there may not even be a way to track down the father to get support.

So expect women to be picky.

Beyond that, there's a simple social construct. Males don't commit to women with high partner counts. So given that every male she sleeps with, lowers her value and probability of marriage, she is going to be very, very sure that any partner she sleeps with has a lot to offer (for most women that means the possibiliyt of some kind of relationship). This is very logical.

Now women in Toronto in particular being pickier? THat's something else.

John said...

"Women are justified in being picky. The probability of pregnancy is not zero, it's just lower."

*** So when the probability of pregnancy is lower they should be less picky.

"And parental investment for a human child, is still high, last time I checked."

*** It's also high for the man.

"And if it's a one-night stand that gets you knocked up, there may not even be a way to track down the father to get support."

*** This was primarily true back when there were no birth control pills, no condoms, and no abortion clinics.

Arguments against what I say always seem to rely on what things were like in pre-modern times, and then saying that those conditions (in the past) justify women's actions TODAY.

Women can consciously choose to do things to practically eliminate the possibility of pregnancy. Therefore they can also consciously adjust their behaviour (i.e. be more liberated) based on those choices.

"So expect women to be picky."

*** I expect women to be somewhat pickier than men because of some combination of instinct, safety, and social considerations - which depend on the era and culture you live in.

"Beyond that, there's a simple social construct. Males don't commit to women with high partner counts. So given that every male she sleeps with, lowers her value and probability of marriage, she is going to be very, very sure that any partner she sleeps with has a lot to offer (for most women that means the possibiliyt of some kind of relationship). This is very logical."

*** This is a weak argument. How can a guy know how many men a woman has slept with? Any woman with half a brain can have sex in secret, if she so chooses.

In addition, women will often have sex for reasons that are much less virtuous sounding than what you describe. It could be revenge sex, it could be bored-in-my-marriage sex, it could be I-want-to-feel-validated sex, it could be I'm getting money/gifts for it sex. It could also be sex with a cab driver after a night at the bar, where she rejected every man who approached her because (according to you) she was exercising her right to be "picky".

Conversely, women often avoid sex because 1) their friends don't approve of the guy, or 2) they don't want to come across as easy, or 3) the guy isn't rich or hot enough, or 4) the guy didn't spend enough money on them.

So you can't convince me that women's reasons for having sex, or not having sex, are usually rational and logical, when the reasons are often so fickle, and so random. Finding virtue in these reasons just means you are excusing childish behaviour in women, but because it comes from women, then it must be a "good thing". Some would call this a free pass.

A woman is free to have sex with whoever she wants, whenever she wants, for whatever her reasons. But putting those reasons on a pedestal using twisted logic is where I would strongly disagree.

Anonymous said...

I've come to the conclusion I'd rather be single than even date let alone marry any woman from this country even let alone this city haha. And, I'm not a beta male or undesirable "male" and its funny how women think just because we don't show our wealth means we don't have it haha. Haha to all you Toronto women - thanks for tipping your hats early to us smart and wealthy men. hahahahahahahahaaaa. Trust me, us real men will have the last laugh. You can take that to the bank!When a foreign army invades and it will happen quite soon, enjoy what comes with that.

Anonymous said...

like your writing. These two quotes sum toronto women quite accuratley.

"Women in these parts are picky for reasons that have more to do with their own inflated sense of fabulousness..."

"I have long since realized that women's picky-ness is for the most part not a sign of anything virtuous (social or biological), but rather a sign of intense self-love brought on by decades of feminism and society-wide ego stroking of women."