Saturday, August 29, 2009

When Is It Your Fault?

I've often wondered how much I am to blame for the bad things I've experienced with women, especially those things that have repeated themselves over and over. Was I the cause of that somehow? It's definitely worth considering. There's a saying that goes, if the same thing keeps happening to you over and over, the common element is YOU. And there is a lot of truth to that. But a lot of times, due to pride, we are reluctant to point the finger at ourselves.

However, to figure out where the truth lies, you need to put aside your ego. I like to call this taking an observer state, where you pretend you are observing things that are happening to you and have happened to you, in a detached way. This is useful because an observer is not invested in any particular outcome, so his conclusion will be unbiased.

Years ago I went through a pretty misogynistic phase when I was living in Toronto, as a result of my experiences. I grew very resentful towards women. As this anger grew it affected some of my interactions. But I reached a point where I could no longer take the gut-wrenching emotions, so I just decided one day to stop hating and work on improving myself instead. I was a few years into the pick-up scene at that point, but it didn't matter. I was willing to start over with new beliefs, even if it meant admitting that I had been wrong all along. And as things progressed I did notice somewhat of an improvement in my interactions with women. I was attracting some better woman, and my experiences were noticeably better. But, I found that no matter how consistently I put my best foot forward, I would still run into crappy situations quite often. So essentially, I ran into a "wall" where I could do no more from my end. And in fact, some of the things I was experiencing were the same as before when I was in my misogynistic phase. So my perceptions were not entirely wrong before. They were maybe just exaggerated in some ways. So the shit sandwich really was a shit sandwich after all. And I was, in many instances, reaching the same conclusions about women as I had before. This spoke volumes.

So you can argue that it's all in your head, but really, if we are experiencing the same basic things over a range of mental & emotional states, then they must be real. The mind can't consistently fabricate sensory feedback. It's more likely that we are picking up on something real (like gravity). And if we didn't have this ability to perceive reality, we wouldn't have (successfully) evolved to where we are today. And we certainly wouldn't be able to walk around and drive in traffic without colliding into things.

That's part of the argument. But there's another equally important fact to consider.

Observe how women respond when men complain about the things women do. Women usually tell them that they have a bad attitude and they should fix themselves. Now, this isn't bad advice. BUT the problem is that you seldom hear women accept any blame, and admit that they need to fix themselves. This implies that all the so-called "improvement" must happen on the guys end. So, the problem isn't that men shouldn't work on improving themselves, but that women aren't as willing (in general) to do the same. And that goes a long way towards explaining why men are getting screwed over so much more than women. The politically correct culture of feminism discourages criticism of women's actions, and loves to blame men for failures between the sexes. And this imbalance creates a culture of impunity for women, where they are allowed to be reckless and irresponsible in their behavior, while men carry the burden of blame.

For example, you often see the dynamic in clubs, where the women are on the defensive and closed off to men approaching, and the men are trying to break through the bitch shields. And the common response to this is usually some sort of dating advice (for men) telling them how to up their "game" and learn how to get the girl anyway. But you hardly ever see any serious advice for the women, where they are told to make it easier for men to approach. So on the one hand you can blame the guy for not having the "game" to break through, but on the other hand why does she have the bitch shield to begin with? This lack of acknowledgement is an example of the culture of impunity where women's actions are concerned; and where men have to suck it up and learn to COPE.

But sooner or later, men are going to wise up to this. I mean, why spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars learning how to pick up from "dating gurus", when all the bitch has to do is smile and be approachable? Maybe she should be taking the fucking bootcamp instead!

For everything we strive to fix about ourselves, we should demand reciprocal effort from women. And until that starts happening in a big way, the situation will not improve.

1 comment:

Dragan Tsankov said...

Dear John,

The most astonishing and frightening part about your blog, is that, specifically in articles like this one, I could have written every single word from it, backed up by plenty of examples from my own experiences.

How is it possible for someone else to have gone through exactly the same events, reflections and made the same conclusions as you?

Also, just for the record, my ex-girlfriend's favorite expressions were "It's all in your head", "Don't blame others for your own failures", "Your friends are just like you because you associate with the wrong type pf people".

Now how do you counter those mantras that, I am sure, all of us have heard again and again? Look around, there are plenty of young men and women walking together. There are many people in relationships, getting married, living together, etc. Nothing is dysfunctional about this city and this society, the only dysfunctional part is you. You are the problem and you are the creator of your own misfortune with your negative attitude, so stop complaining and man up.

Well, for myself, I have a simple answer:
1) Never talk about this unless you are sure that the person in front of you has taken the red pill and is not brainwashed by popular feminist/PUA propaganda.

2) Agree with feminists and regurgitate their own line of thinking (i.e. men are not humans and do not have human rights, every second woman is raped and beaten in Toronto, etc) only to see to what incredible heights far-left brainwashing has affected people.

3) Travel and invest in relationships with women elsewhere

4) Save your money and plan your next move, i.e. getting out of here

5) Come to terms with the fact that the most important qualities of a potential partner are
- humility and low ego
- being nice- i.e. understanding attitude
- sincerity
- common sense (e.g. knowing that eating a lot will make you fat and thereby unattractive for most model-looking men, a surprisingly difficult riddle for most women I have met)
- appearance also matters but not that much
- Such a partner cannot be found in this city, most probably country as well, or, the probability of finding one is sufficiently small to be neglected.