Saturday, May 23, 2009

Taking Women To Dinner - Why?

This is always a heated topic of debate. Many people have the notion that when a man asks a woman out he is supposed to take her to dinner.

Now, I personally don't have a problem with men taking women to dinner IF it's something they genuinely feel like doing, and they don't expect anything in return. But the problems occur when men think they HAVE to take women to dinner to have a shot at romance. For one thing this is a weak position to come from since you are essentially begging, and secondly it can put the woman in an awkward position of feeling that she owes the man something.

Believe it or not, there are ways to get to know someone without having to dish out a lot of money.

I have never taken a woman to dinner that I just met. And I met tons of women over the years. At most I would meet for drinks. And almost always they were okay with it. Sure, there were a few instances where the women hinted at dinner but I stood my ground, and it's never been an issue.

And by the way, in some instances the women ended up paying for their drinks anyway. I didn't insist that they pay. They offered to pay their share.

Let's get some comments. What position do you guys take, and why?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi John,

I love love love your stuff! :)

I browse through it every once in a while to keep the wisdom fresh so to say.

One question:
Do you normally offer to pay for the drinks right away (or when the waiter shows up with the bill)?

I could imagine that most women would be turned off, if the man did not pay for her.(Which girl likes a "cheap bastard"? But us men are supposed to accept their greedy attitude?!? Oh the bloody feminist hypocrisy!!!)

If he pays the girl can rationalize something along the lines: "See, this guy is a gentlemen. And I'm not a slut, since he paid for me."

Daft of course, but that's chick logic :D

I'm a bit torn on this issue: I mean, if I suggest to meet up for a drink or two, maybe socital norms would demand from me to then pay the bill and after all drinks are far cheaper then meals.

But still, there is something corny and moronic about it IMHO.

And I would prefer to treat women as equals.

But I certainly would not like fuck up an almost secure fuck session either, because of not paying 10 Euros or what have you. (Still cheaper than hookers, after all ;)

Take care!

Brent



John said...

Hi Brent, I think it's fine to pay for a drink or two for her. Guys often offer to buy their guy friends drinks when they invite them out anyway. I get that the person who does the inviting should offer to pay, as a social custom. But I also get that women rarely do the inviting and can therefore conveniently avoid being in that position. But some social customs are just unavoidable, like for instance the girl has to typically spend much more time on makeup and looking good than the guy. So it kind of evens out in this regard, as long as we're talking about just buying a drink or two for her. But when you decide to buy dinner (and more) things just get too skewed.

Anonymous said...

Hi John,

Thank you very much for your answer! :)

There is not one thing I disagree with.

Since I'm a member of Sleazy's forum I posted the same question there (among a bunch of other questions).
Eralier this day I saw, that Sleazy himself left me an repley and his answer on this matter was more or less the same like yours.
Great minds think alike, I guess ;)

"Guys often offer to buy their guy friends drinks when they invite them out anyway. I get that the person who does the inviting should offer to pay, as a social custom."

That should help "cheap bastards" like me to not feel so bad about paying for the girl's drinks ;)

"But I also get that women rarely do the inviting and can therefore conveniently avoid being in that position."

Oh yeah!
How convenient indeed, dear ladies, isen't it ? : D

"But some social customs are just unavoidable, like for instance the girl has to typically spend much more time on makeup and looking good than the guy. So it kind of evens out in this regard, as long as we're talking about just buying a drink or two for her."

This should be kept in mind. Very good point!

Thanks again, John!

Brent

John said...

You're very welcome Brent! Glad to help.